Asia Expats Forum

AsiaBill · Joined: 28 Jun 2005 Posts: 18 Location:

This is an amusing list but please do not take offense because of the few lines below associated with barhopping / bargirls etc.

1.-living with them longer than one night or one month, and realizing
that you have not yet made a mistake.
2.-introducing you with pride as her boyfriend to everyone she meets.
3.-having the house, themselves and yourself always clean and tidy.
4.-those cute little size 5 slippers and shoes neatly stacked by the
front door those perfectly manicured little fingers and toes
5.-the 60+ texts per day
6.-them being completely oblivious and non-responsive to you while
texting.
7.-watching that "Laban Bowie" show together.
8.-her dancing around the living room trying to imitate the Sex Bomb
Dancers.
9.-Her instantly get into her "erotic-dance" routine whenever an
"Eminem" song comes on TV or radio.
10-hearing her sing kareoke (or try)
11.-having ALL food WELL DONE.
12.-using at least 2 cups of cooking oil to cook anything and
everything.("honey, that backsplash looks real shiny")
13.-learning that the only used setting on the burner is HIGH. (Ouch.
Was that another splatter?)
14-her haggle prices with the gardener.
15-her get pissed at the garbage-man for missing a day on pickup.
16-sex in middle of the afternoon (just try that with a white western
woman)
17.-sex in middle of the night (without the "grouchies" or "bitchies".
18.-sex anytime ( almost ).
19.-those cute tiny panties in a rainbow of colors dangling from the
cloths-line.
20-her stopping the wash before the extract mode, so she can wring-out
the cloths by hand.
21.-her over-soaping the wash, having to rinse it three times, and
then asking you why the water bill is so high compared to the neighbor.
22.-her sneaking Balut into the house, eating it, not telling you,
then kissing you after.
23.-re-frying already-fried fish bought from the vendors.
24.-buying peeled pineapple from the vendor's cart, especially when
there are two whole ones in the fridge already.
25.-the happiness on her face when her old friends come to visit.
26.-her sitting on the floor so sort the laundry, right next to the
laundry work-bench and stool you installed for her.
27.-changing the sheets every day cause she likes the fresh clean
smell when she gets into bed. (Ya Baby!)
28.-the phobia against using Tupperware, opting to leave food on the
kitchen counter covered only by another plate, then her wondering why
all the neighborhoods ants are choosing to visit.
29.-discovering the ideal use for the microwave - storing already
cooked food to keep the ants out. A 15,000 peso Tupperware "container".
30-leaving wet dishtowels curled up in a ball on the counter so that
they don't dry and start to smell bastos.
31-Muriatic Acid is considered a normal household cleaning agent
("Mahal, my hands burn a little")
32-floor wax is applied with a small cloth while down on hands and
knees. Is that sexy or what?
33-the bed and mirrors are the most important articles of furniture in
the house.
34-a "Tabo" (that small plastic-handled "scoop" locals use in the
shower where there is only a tap 2 feet off the floor and no shower-head) is necessary, despite there being a hand-held WaterPik
shower-massager-spray attachment in the shower already.
35-the aircon gets turned off the instant you are distracted, and you
don't notice till it's already too hot, and it will take an hour to cool
things off again.
36-menstruation cycles are proudly announced, and "flow levels" are regularly reported.
37. mascara and lipstick are applied before an afternoon nap.
38-"white-shit" and whitening creams are used regardless of your
repeated pleas otherwise.
38-occasional eating rice and Adobo with the fingers. Until she notices
you looking.
39-the "Pamily" visits.
40-the mother, who treats you as one of her own, and spoils you. Just as
it
41-should be.
42-the Pamily, who feel more comfortable sitting on the floor in the
maid's room than on the sofas in the living room.
43-the father, who is one helluva handyman, changing light bulbs and
doing other odd repairs while visiting.
44-the sisters, who gladly baby-sit the baby when both of us are out
bar-hopping on the weekend.
45-the brothers, who carry the groceries in, take out the garbage, and
water the lawn when visiting.
46-DRIED FISH. (I finally got her one of those cement charcoal-burners
so she can fry the shit outside. Best 40 peso investment I ever made.
47-cooking stuff that you have no clue what it is.
48-eating Talapia four days in a row cause' she overbought at the
market.
49-that unmistakable Patis (fish sauce) smell during cooking time.
50-watching Filipino movies or variety shows, and actually beginning to
understand what the hell is going on.
51-that smooth brown skin lying beside you in the moonlight.
52-complaints to you that some of her friends are "plastic" (I always
love that one)
53-her pointing out former customers, and you pointing out former
barfines while out barhopping together, and laughing about it together.
("Mahal, you chose HER? What were you thinking?" "Sorry honey, I must have been tired that evening and settled for less than my usual standards." Or "Mahal, that's funny. That girl is my sister-in law. Was she any good?"
54-sweeping and burning the leaves out back. "honey, did you remember to close the back windows?"
55-shopping at foreigner/tourist non-frequented zones in downtown
Angeles.
56-the endless cuddles at night
57-her wanting to shave you in the shower (The face, guys. The face. Get
your minds out of the gutter)
58-the endless lotions and potions lined up on her make-up table. (thank
god there is very little make-up, just lipstick and a little mascara).
59-her smile appearing every time you walk into the room.
60-her smile disappearing when she thinks you are looking at another
girl when out together.
61-her watching your eyes when another girl passes you together in the
street.
62-"shat, Guapo" when she sees western actors on TV, who we guys think
look average to ugly.
63-her flirting with you when youre trying to read your emails or the
newspaper
64-her asking you periodically if you think her "Susu" is too small.
("only a mouthful honey, only a mouthful")
65-her mopping your sweaty brow when out in the hot afternoon sun, and
not saying "yuck".
66-her understanding when you are pissed-off at something and knowing to leave you alone for awhile.

Feel free to chip in and add anything i've missed out....
>
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Feel FREE to ask questions about living, traveling and investing in the S.E. Asia especially the Philippines. Click on "AsiaBill" to learn more from my website. Live life as an ADVENTURE- GO FOR IT!!

Alan Stepney · Centurion Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 853 Location:

I know that Bills list is lighthearted, (from observation, also mostly true) but I can add one minor item to show what (some) Filipinas are like.

Way back in 90 or 91, I spent a lot of time in the Philippines. After a while I had got to know a Filipina, and eventually she moved in with me.
After some days I noticed that each morning her mood changed (for the worse). Naturally (???) I put it down to the fact that I was leaving for the days work.

Nope!

Eventually I found that she was upset that each morning I cleaned my shoes.
According to her, I was looking after here and it was HER job to ensure I went to work looking as spotless as possible, as otherwise it reflected badly on her, and hence, she insisted on cleaning my shoes.
Heck, if she wants to do it, far be it for me to argue!!

(She also insisted on getting in the shower with me, but that is another matter!)

Much different from women in most western countries.

In fact, one of my biggest mistakes was not marrying her.
Ahh well, thats life.
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The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.- P. J. O'Rourke

RahulDG · Scribe Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 1218 Location: