Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 11:10 am Post subject: Just Jokes! (for fun & laughter thread)
Let's start things rolling with a very "common" theme
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Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?
Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??
Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.
Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.
Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!
Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??
New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?
Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???
TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself. _________________ excuse me if I make no sense...
For those who don't know what IAS is, it means Indian Administrative Service. Candidates who sit and pass this exam are earmarked for top Govt. jobs in India!!!
You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.
This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS) Examinations.
The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal.
Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he give milks,
[ but will do so when he is got child.]
He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.
His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
[ horses don't have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species,
Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza],
in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.
Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth.
He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.
His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.
This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the
weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly
proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals.
It has hairs on the other end of the other side.
This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.
So the grasses head is not crushed.
At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts.
His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......
We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS,
is bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar] _________________ excuse me if I make no sense...
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig????) _________________ excuse me if I make no sense...
OOOOhhh you aren't the guy I met on Saturday from the Singapore Zoo? He also has the wife and girlfriend thing going... Lots of half lions running around Singapore too!!!
For those who don't know what IAS is, it means Indian Administrative Service. Candidates who sit and pass this exam are earmarked for top Govt. jobs in India!!!
You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.
This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS) Examinations.
The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal.
Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he give milks,
[ but will do so when he is got child.]
He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.
His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk.
Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
[ horses don't have any such attachment]
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species,
Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza],
in hand and drying in the sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.
Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth.
He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.
His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.
This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the
weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly
proceed with great velocity forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals.
It has hairs on the other end of the other side.
This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.
So the grasses head is not crushed.
At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts.
His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......
We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS,
is bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]
This is NOTHING short of HILARIOUS!!
HAHA! But, considering the general reputation of Bihar, not surprising (no offense to anyone in particular though!!). _________________ Dongguan Expat - Your online Community!
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Are You Normal?
Your Normalcy Quotient is: 48 out of 100.
Your quiz results make you a Wonderful Eccentric
You've earned the title of wonderful eccentric, and while you're not a wild, gun slinging maverick, you certainly like to follow your own way. Of course, you probably don't think of yourself as eccentric. As Einstein might say, "It's all relative."
Take this free personality test by Clicking Here>> or going to www.chatterbean.com/runormal/
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Are You Hot?
Your hotness score is: 230
Your quiz results make you a Wild and Crazy
Your quiz results make you Wild and Crazy You have a lot of fun living a wild and crazy life. You live every second to the fullest. You don't look to keep up with fashion; you look for fashion to keep up with you. Your fun filled lifestyle never stops, so your engine is always running hot. Who knows what crazy new thing you'll try out next?
Take this free personality test by Clicking Here>> or going to www.ruhotquiz.net/ _________________ excuse me if I make no sense...
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Let's start things rolling with a very "common" theme 
