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angmohquee · Joined: 13 Nov 2006 Posts: 2 Location:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season" St Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" St Peter said.

The seconfd man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said "They're bells." St Peter said "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked "And just what do these symbolize?" The man replied "These are Carols"

Wocca · Scribe Joined: 06 May 2005 Posts: 970 Location:

A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.

So, she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.

Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"

"No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?"

"That was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you -- Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty.' "
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