Asia Expats Forum

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

Roe vs. Wade

Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe vs. Wade?

A: He really doesn't care how people get out of New Orleans.
Laughing

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "Terrorists kidnapped President Bush and are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire. We are going from car to car to take up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?"

"About a gallon."

Laughing

Mike · Site Admin Joined: 07 Sep 2004 Posts: 4512 Location:

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do. The situation:

You are in the Midwest USA and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and infrastructures destroyed. Let’s say you’re a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across George W. Bush who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under.. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.

So, here is the question and think carefully before you answer the question below:

What lens would you use?

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Laughing

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

Subject: FW: The President and The Queen
George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me? "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle. The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen. Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell." Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair".

uhm

Gringo69 · Cohort Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 196 Location:

hahaha good ones hahaha Very Happy

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

Subject: MOSES
Recently while going through the airport on one of his many trips,
President Bush encountered a man with long, gray hair wearing a white robe and sandals...and holding a staff. President Bush went up to the man and asked, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man never answered. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The President said "Moses!" in a loud voice.
The man just stared ahead...never acknowledging the President.
Bush pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked, "Am I crazy, or does that man look like Moses to you?"
The Secret Service agent looked at the man carefully and then agreed.
"Well", said the President, "Every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch."
Again the President yelled "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.
The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and
whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Yes, I am Moses. However, the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert...and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East where there is no oil."

Wave

Nikadimus · Joined: 21 Mar 2006 Posts: 6 Location:

To toopeekaa 1:

OUCH!!!

My sides hurt I was laughting so hard... Mr. Green

_________________
Seek, Learn, Know.
Scientia est Potentia.

toopeekaa 1 · Scribe Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 1934 Location:

Subject: Our fearless leader
At a briefing, Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld informed the President
that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq this morning. To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

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