Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 3:43 pm Post subject: This weeks joke to Maythu
Thanks to Paulie
=-=============
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to
make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some
really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next
morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and
the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and
said, "Good morning, Father, good morning, Father", nodding and
addressing each of them and then passed on by. They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know that they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits The attire was so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again the two priests (incognito) settled on the beach, in their chairs, to enjoy the sunshine.
After a while, the same gorgeous, topless blonde, this time wearing a
string bikini came slowly strolling toward them. Again she nodded at
each of them, saying, "Good morning, Fathers" and started to amble on
down the beach.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a
minute, young lady." "Yes", she replied "We are priests and proud of
it, but I have to know...how in the world did you know we are priests,
dressed as we are?"
"Oh, Father", she said, smiling, "it's me, Sister Mary Francis
of course, I'm way over 18....
I only take one step at a time...
I used to be very naive...
when my older brothers and sisters talked about dirty jokes, I always ran away...they always make fun of me for that...
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abler died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!
Hi T1
I have a very hard weeks..
Thanks !!!
I'm way over 18 but long way to go to 86..
I lost my uncle 75 years old last week.( bone cancer)
My Mom recovered from heart attack.( she is a fighter)
Thank you, I still have a friend who make me smile. ( You)
I want to share this one that my brother forwarded to me.
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay " them "
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3 Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's
workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is
with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, Whether it's family, pets,
keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable,
improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next
county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.
Pass on to your brother,,,,,,, Very good advice......You sound like a very special lady, and I am happy to be your friend and know that you are my friend also...
I passed your message to my brother.
I have 4 brothers and 3 sisters.
But I am always close to my oldest brother.
I am always blessed with good friends in my life.
Here is one of my sister pass on to me..It touch me so much...
Hope you like it too...
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you,
you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
P.S> "Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty "
I passed your message to my brother.
I have 4 brothers and 3 sisters.
But I am always close to my oldest brother.
I am always blessed with good friends in my life.
Here is one of my sister pass on to me..It touch me so much...
Hope you like it too...
Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.
I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, "I thank you,
you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
but he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go..
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.
P.S> "Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty "
He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've
got nothing to put in it. She said .. . . You wear
pants don't you?
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways
and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . .. . "My husband follows
me everywhere" Written just below it . .. . " I do not"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government
bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
A. They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
I know you can handle the joke..
I love ocean... but my b/f is a city person...
every weekend we had good food..good friends ... good company...
just chill.....
if you ever back to US.. please stop by at NJ anytime...
I talk a lot about you...
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